Missing You, Son

Dearest Travis,

Our lives have changed drastically since you've been gone. Dad and I have been walking lately with Sophie to get exercise. The time we're on the paths walking has been so peaceful for us. I have always enjoyed listening to the birds and hearing the sounds of nature. The lake is beautiful rippling in the sunlight. The ducks have some baby ducklings swimming along behind now which reminds me of the story, " The Ugly Duckling", that we read together. I adored having you in my lap reading a story. You would laugh at all of the sounds I'd make and the pictures. You would begin telling the story as if you were reading the words. There are small rabbits and squirrels scampering along the sides of the paths surrounding the lake. I always think to myself (and sometimes aloud) how much you'd love living here. Every walk brings the sight of someone sitting on the dock or edge of the lake fishing. It makes me recall the last time Dad and I drove through Boyle Park in 2007. Your Jeep was parked on the edge of the road and there you were standing in the middle of the stream practicing your fly fishing. We both laughed out loud when we spotted you. It was so typical of you to find the only nearby body of water to fish. It had to be the "Clark" in you that led you to love fishing and hunting so much. I could always find my dad at a lake or river.

Son, we miss you so much our hearts ache every second of every day. We will see you again someday and be prepared for the biggest bear hugs ever!!

Your friends have shown us the kind of love that they know you would have given had you been here. You chose many loyal friends. It's a testament to the kind of friend that you were to so many.

Dad and I love you, sweetheart!

Forever,

Mom

Quiet Saturday

Wish I was in Hawaii helping Regina make this photo. Steve and Becky got back a couple of weeks ago from their Hawaiian cruise. I could really get into a trip right now.

Today Randy and I have accomplished a few chores around the house. It makes me feel good when I can be productive. Things have been extremely slow at Oxford since January.

We've both been trying to get out and walk as much as possible since my birthday. It seems to be helping my energy level and mood. I decided if I don't do something now.... before long I'll have no strength at all. I sure don't like that the weather turned cold again the last couple of days. Today looks really dreary with the rain continuing from last night. It keeps me indoors except the few times that I have Sophie out for her business.

I'm looking forward to our weekly dinner tomorrow with Jess. She and I had a pedicure this week. I enjoy the time we spend together. Guess I need to figure out what to have for supper. Randy will be home soon from Kroger's.

Karen

Missing Travis Sooooo Much

MY BEST BIRTHDAY PRESENT EVER!
I really don't know how to begin what I need to say. These have been the most horrendous 3 years 7 months and 13 days of my life. Each day I make myself get out of the bed and follow a routine. I try to "act" as normal as possible not to upset those around me. Yes, I pray and continue to lean on my Heavenly Father. However, the pain does not subside, nor the need to hold and talk to my son decrease. Everyone has been supportive and loving. I'm forever grateful for our Christian friends. Without Randy I'm not sure where I'd be today. He keeps me grounded and comforted. I know that his grief is as overwhelming as my own, but he pushes himself to take care of business and me. I'm still confused about the lack of compassion and comfort we've gotten from Ray and Pam. Instead of acknowledging our pain, they continue to feel that we somehow have "wronged" Andrew by feeling that he belongs in jail. Maybe some day they will begin to understand our suffering and show some love toward each of us. I'm anxiously awaiting that day. How does this earthly life offer any solace? God, please give us your strength and peace as we face each coming day. We are holding onto your promises for eternal life AND PEACE WHICH SURPASSES UNDERSTANDING.
Karen

Almost September

It's been a couple of months since I posted anything. Lots of changes in my life since June. Working with Randy at Oxford has been a real blessing to me. No stress!!!!! Now, if we can only manage the bills without my school district paycheck, that's the question. I'm trusting that we'll be fine. I'm glad that we have our own embroidery machine now. I can't wait to do some gifts for the holidays. You might want to place your orders now. :)

We went on an Alaskan Cruise with Caralee and Neil in late June for a week. It was amazing! Being with them for the week was the best part!

I had LASIK surgery a couple of weeks ago and I'm FREE of eyeglasses for at least 10 years. YAHOO!!

Jeni and Necon have another sweet boy, Isaac Necon Warrior. I lobbied for him to be named Travis or Wilson, but I didn't win out. I love the name Isaac. Abraham and Sarah were thrilled to have their little Isaac and the Warriors are equally excited. There children's names sound like a Bible story. Lydia, Levi and Isaac are all beautiful names.
Randy is working way too many hours right now. I hope the flow of work will continue into the winter months this year. It could be distributed a little more evenly and that would be nice. We're grateful for all of your prayers and support. Love to everyone. We miss you, Trav.
Karen

Three Years

My Dearest Travis,
I can't believe that three years have past since I was able to hear your voice and feel your hugs. Having you in my dreams is just not the same. I'm ashamed to admit that your mama is not as strong as you believed. I'm really struggling now, Trav, with the memories of the day you were murdered. I wish I could move past that trauma and only feel the joy of having you in my life. I'm seeing a doctor and trying extremely hard to adjust. I've resigned from my job as a counselor, because it has become too painful to try to help others when I'm struggling with my own pain. Being a Christian, I feel guilty that I'm unable to let go. I know that you're in God's presence, but somehow that doesn't take away my pain. The emptiness I'm feeling when I'm around other happy families is indescribable. I feel like everyone else has been able to move forward and I'm the only one stuck. I haven't given up. You certainly know how determined I can be to make things better. Several of your friends keep in touch with us and we are reminded of how you have touched the lives of so many. I am amazed at the impact you had in this world in such a short amount of time.

I just wanted to let you know that your dad and I miss you more than words can express. You're on my mind every waking moment and while I'm trying to sleep. We are remaining steadfast in our support of each other, but our arms and hearts are missing you desperately.

With my everlasting love,
Mom

Spring Vacation

AHHHHHH!!!!! A week away from school! I'm so exhausted.

We took Sophie to the vet on Friday to be spayed, so I'm dogsitting to try to keep her calm. That's not easy for Sophie.

Randy's busier at work now that February has passed. Hopefully, we'll have a very productive spring. The winter season was slooooow. Once I return to work next week things will be fast and furious with the testing season and end of school events. I brought a lot of things home with me to work on before I return.

We're looking forward with great anticipation to our trip to Alaska in June with Caralee and Neil. Got to get the application going for the passport soon, though. Printed it today. I hope all of you are doing well.

We got to see Laura, Jess, Jeremy and Meredith last week for tennis and dinner. Laura got to meet Sophie for the first time. We also got to see Jess' beautiful new home. She has done a lot already even though she's still living in El Dorado. It was such a wonderful visit. It's like having a piece of Travis with us when we're with them. He loved all of them so much. We've come to love each one of them as our own. Hope to see more of you soon.

Love, Karen

Hi, Everyone

It's been really crazy around here. We've been staying busy with Oxford and I've had a full load at school. Sophie has kept things interesting. She's now 5 months old. We have enjoyed having her around.

Jeni, Necon, Tasha and all of the kids came over for some soup a couple of weeks ago. I'm so excited that Jess got into med school. She's going to be a fantastic doctor. Neil, Caralee, Randy and I have been making our plans for our summer trip to Alaska. Randy and I will be celebrating our 30th anniversary on the trip. The last time we made the trip was our 25th anniversary.

I'm sooooooo ready for the weather to get warmer. This freezing weather has kept me in a real funk. My nightmares and migraines have continued and I'll be seeing a new doctor in March to address this problem. I hope all of you are doing well. Keep in touch. Love you all,

Karen