Pop and Lydia Having Their Own Fun

We knew that the room would be packed with family and friends, but we couldn't wait to get to the hospital. Jeni continued to work hard monitoring and supervising the process and was a tremendous asset to Tasha. We were so glad to be able to share in the excitement of Josiah's arrival! We love both of our newly adopted grandkids. Thanks to all of you for including us in your joy! We felt Travis among us as we waited with the family. Love you all.

OG & Pop

Met Josiah Clark December 31, 2:11 a.m.

Tasha's Delivery Day

We're trying to make it home to LR to see Josiah Clark Warrior when he's born. Tasha has been at the hospital all day. We've been traveling from Vicksburg. Jeni has been good about updating us and we're anxious to see that Tasha and Josiah are ok. I'm sure Keith is pacing with the rest of the Warrior clan. I'll post a pic as soon as I'm able to get one at the hospital. There's no doubt he's going to be a handsome young man. He's got a beautiful Mother and comes from good stock, as Manuel would put it. Trav is guarding over his tiny namesake, I'm certain. God is good.

Stop this Car!

We've been driving forever it seems like. I'm so ready to get out of this car. It looks like we're stopping in Vicksburg for the night. We won't make it there before 11:00. I know Randy must be really tired of driving. The 31st is coming up in a couple of days. I can't believe Trav has been gone for 7 months. It all feels so fresh and painful still. We're so fortunate to have friends like Freddie and Jerry who will loan us such a nice retreat from our dilemma. It's been a good week. I'm really not looking forward to being home except to see our friends. It's sad to see the house knowing that Trav will never be there again.

Leaving Florida Today

We've decided to head back toward home today. We'll stop somewhere and spend a night along the way. It's been a good way to spend our first Christmas without Travis. The last time we stayed here Trav was with us, but it was a very serene location. For those of you who don't keep up with Necon and Jeni's blog, she sent us some photos today of our Christmas dinner with them at our house. Before Lydia was born we were informed that we needed to come up with grandparent names because we were officially the third set of grandparents. We decided on OG (other grandmother) and Pop. I gave Lydia the yellow blanket that Trav's great grandmother, Miller, had made for him when he was born. I'm glad that Lydia likes the blanket. We took a photo with her and I love it. She's such a doll! We are also thrilled that Tasha and Keith's baby is arriving soon and will be named Josiah Clark Warrior. Notice the middle name is Trav's. We're OG and Pop to Josiah as well. I gave another blanket to Tasha that was made by a friend for Travis. I hope he likes it as well as Lydia likes hers. Maybe we'll have other friends of Trav's who adopt us as grandparents. I know Trav is loving this. We love you, son.

Hunting Fever

Around this time each year Travis was obsessed with duck and coon hunting. There were always some hunting supplies for Christmas that he would ask Santa to bring. He couldn't wait to get started and anticipated these trips with his friends and family with tremendous enthusiasm! He would try on all of his gear and check over his supplies and talk about the upcoming trip nonstop. He might be going to Dumas with Brad; the river with Jeremy; Necon's uncle's land; off Hwy. 9 with Dad; and on and on...It was so much fun watching his excitement and listening to his stories. He was FULL OF LIFE! He even had Randy come outside one night to photograph the coons that he and Jeremy had killed. Boy, did they look proud! He loved the cabin that Tommy's family owned and was thrilled when he and Tommy could get together there. Of course, there was a new list of things needed to hunt deer. Tommy even arranged a new coon dog, Kate, which now lives with Grandma and Grandpa.

Serenity Prayer

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things that I can; and the wisdom to know the difference."

Finally, A Warm Day

Today the weather is nice and warm. I think it's around 74 degrees. We've gotten out for breakfast and have spent time reading on the balcony. There are a lot of people on the beach today and in the water. I think we'll take a drive and see what we can discover. Randy and I had a good night's sleep and need to walk on the beach later. My sinus infection is clearing and we're both feeling ok today. Thanks, God.

Pop and Lydia

Here's our sweetie, Lydia! Pop got to hold her and make her laugh. Trav would be spoiling her rotten if he could be around her now. I'm sure he watches over all of us, though. He'll always be my angel.

December 26 2007

We had a very full day driving around Panama City and looking at the scenery. I had no luck capturing the pelicans on film, but I gave it a good try. We went down to the marina and the historic downtown district. There was a little coffee shop that had great food. We also found a few Pandora charms at a local gift shop. Randy was very tolerant of my purchases. We ended our little adventure with ice cream sundaes. It was a nice, relaxing day.

Christmas Day 2007

It's Christmas day. Randy and I slept late today and are resting. We sent a special message to our family and friends who have supported us during the past seven months. I am extremely fortunate to have Randy in my life. I can't imagine facing this loss without his love and presence. It's been so confusing to face the loss of Travis. All of our traditions as a family have been built around the three of us. Now, we're two. Starting a new life style as a couple seems like an overwhelming task, but we must heed Bob's advice and only be concerned with the present moment. Thank you, God, for sending Christ to overcome the world. We are certain that our future includes all of our loved ones who pass on before us.

Christmas Eve in Florida 2007

It's Christmas Eve and Randy and I have traveled to Panama City Beach, Florida for the holidays. We spent yesterday resting and walking on the beach. It was really peaceful and beautiful. This evening we attended the Gulfview Methodist Church for their annual Christmas Eve Communion Service. It was a very touching service and we were in much need of this fulfillment. Afterwards, we found a seafood restaurant and enjoyed a delicious meal. We sent a text message to everyone and wished them a happy day tomorrow. We are enjoying this quiet time together, but we desperately miss Travis. Christmas traditions can never be the same now that he's gone. We love you, dearly, son.

Six Days Til Christmas

I missed work today with a very sore throat and exhaustion. We still went to our counseling with Bob and had dinner afterwards with him. I've especially noticed how hard it is to read the Christmas cards that have been arriving. Not only are they addressed with only mine and Randy's names, but we get to see others' family pictures and news from the past year. I realize it's selfish to let others' joy upset me, but I miss having our family together this year. It doesn't seem possible to have a Christmas without Travis. The more everyone elses' lives go on normally, the more difficult it seems to be without him. Life is so hard now.

Today was extremely busy at work so I didn't have much time to think about personal things. I have several reminders around me daily. I have my charm bracelet that Trav had made an addition to on Mother's Day before he was killed; my locket with his picture and the sapphire necklace. I also carry a selection of his photos in my purse. Every time I spot Christmas decorations or hear carols I think of how we celebrated the 12 Days of Christmas with little love gifts each day. I'm so anxious to leave town on the 22nd. Maybe not seeing the family or doing our regular routine will make the days pass easier. Christmas was always a special time at our house with many traditions. I miss my baby.

Eventful Weekend

Randy and I spent the weekend doing lots of things together. We had dinner with the Mohme family in Hot Springs on Friday evening. It was a delicious meal, but the Christmas music and decorations were a little depressing. We did watch a movie while we were there and enjoyed the company. On Saturday we both did our walking on the treadmill and invited the Pfeiffers to join us for dinner at Buffalo Grill and the Trojan game. It was so relaxing being with Caralee and Neil. We haven't spent time with them in a while. We had a chance to visit about how things have been going and exchange our Christmas presents. We are so fortunate to have such wonderful friends to enjoy and support us during this holiday season. Today we drove the jeep for a while because we haven't had it out for a few weeks. It ran fine. We replaced the flowers at the cemetery with a new arrangement we made together and drove around looking at areas where we might want to live when we make a change. This has been a very busy weekend. We never had time to dwell on our circumstances.

Another Week Has Passed

Well, we've made it through another week. I worked the last day and a half and one day at the beginning of this week. Our counselor has reminded me that I must "live in the moment" and not keep sticking in the past or worrying about the future. I know he's right. I thanked God today for friends, family, Randy especially, and the 25 years I was able to be blessed with a marvelous son. I'll try to do better to stay in the present and let each day take care of itself. I'm not very good at that, but I'll have to get better to survive this I'm certain.

Our Son

Anxiety

I'm feeling so anxious over the inability to follow through with my daily responsibilities. I know that I'm needed at my job, but I feel totally unable to cope with other people's issues right now. Emotions are flooding through me so powerfully that I feel I may burst at any moment. Grief is such a confusing state. Frustration with myself plagues me every minute of the day. It seems that everyone else is dealing with Trav's death much better than I am and I want to control my emotions, but I can't. I pray and ask God for His help throughout every day, but I'm aching continuously.

Our Family and Sandy

The Last Year

During the last year we've had so many wonderful memories. Our birthday dinner at ShoGuns with Laura and Jess began the new year after a beautiful Christmas with everyone together and our weekend cousins' birthday celebration in Florida. Trav always loved the restaurant and we liked to celebrate our birthdays together since they were only two days apart. Travis surprised me with a beautiful pink sapphire necklace for Christmas and I treasure it dearly. He was so excited about his classes at UALR and getting approved for the Business Finance major. He had made the Dean's list during the last semester and had very high expectations for his grade point average. We worked on some of his computer assignments together and it was so much fun spending that time together. After his death I found his resume on this laptop. It was very impressive; his plans were to graduate in 2008. Oh, how I wish that was true.