My Dearest Travis,
I can't believe that three years have past since I was able to hear your voice and feel your hugs. Having you in my dreams is just not the same. I'm ashamed to admit that your mama is not as strong as you believed. I'm really struggling now, Trav, with the memories of the day you were murdered. I wish I could move past that trauma and only feel the joy of having you in my life. I'm seeing a doctor and trying extremely hard to adjust. I've resigned from my job as a counselor, because it has become too painful to try to help others when I'm struggling with my own pain. Being a Christian, I feel guilty that I'm unable to let go. I know that you're in God's presence, but somehow that doesn't take away my pain. The emptiness I'm feeling when I'm around other happy families is indescribable. I feel like everyone else has been able to move forward and I'm the only one stuck. I haven't given up. You certainly know how determined I can be to make things better. Several of your friends keep in touch with us and we are reminded of how you have touched the lives of so many. I am amazed at the impact you had in this world in such a short amount of time.
I can't believe that three years have past since I was able to hear your voice and feel your hugs. Having you in my dreams is just not the same. I'm ashamed to admit that your mama is not as strong as you believed. I'm really struggling now, Trav, with the memories of the day you were murdered. I wish I could move past that trauma and only feel the joy of having you in my life. I'm seeing a doctor and trying extremely hard to adjust. I've resigned from my job as a counselor, because it has become too painful to try to help others when I'm struggling with my own pain. Being a Christian, I feel guilty that I'm unable to let go. I know that you're in God's presence, but somehow that doesn't take away my pain. The emptiness I'm feeling when I'm around other happy families is indescribable. I feel like everyone else has been able to move forward and I'm the only one stuck. I haven't given up. You certainly know how determined I can be to make things better. Several of your friends keep in touch with us and we are reminded of how you have touched the lives of so many. I am amazed at the impact you had in this world in such a short amount of time.
I just wanted to let you know that your dad and I miss you more than words can express. You're on my mind every waking moment and while I'm trying to sleep. We are remaining steadfast in our support of each other, but our arms and hearts are missing you desperately.
With my everlasting love,
Mom
Mom
1 comment:
I stumbled across your blog awhile back. I want you to know that even though we have never met, I pray for you all the time. Your story has touched me in a way that I really can't express. Thank you for sharing your love and pain. Please do not let Satan use your pain to get a foot hold in your life. I'm praying for you.
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