Changes

Today we had our phone disconnected and our ISP changed so our email is now different. Just in case you didn't get the notice by email I wanted you to be aware that we no longer have a home phone. We are going to use our cell phones exclusively. It seemed like a waste to pay for two different internet services and the home phone which we hardly ever use anymore. I know it's been a while since I've posted a new message. I've been extremely depressed for a couple of weeks. I'm struggling with the reality of Travis not being here ever again. My grief went in cycles when I lost the rest of my family, but when you lose a child who should have been graduating next month from college and anticipating his future with high hopes, it's hard to wrap your brain around his disappearance from your life. His absence from my life is painful beyond words. Travis was part of me that can never be replaced. God, please help me move forward and not give in to this heartache.

You Are My Sunshine

The month of May is sneaking up on me. I can't believe that it's already here. It's not possible that Travis has been gone for almost a year. My mind has remained preoccupied with Trav for several weeks now. I have relived every event and minute we spent together right before his death. I know logically that all of this is real, but sometimes it feels like it's not. My aching heart is proof of the reality. Travis, do you remember that I would always wake you up with the song, "You Are My Sunshine"? Things sure are dark these days without you. I must get my focus back where it belongs or I'll make myself ill. I love you, baby.

Mama

WHEW!

I'm so relieved that testing is behind me. Now, it's only a matter of checking over required info and packing to return the materials. I've been having a "grief attack" this past week. I've not been able to free myself from the overwhelming feelings and sadness no matter how busy I get. When I do this I find that I isolate myself normally. However, this time I did make myself talk to Becky and Caralee about my feelings. I guess that's a sign that Bob has convinced me I cannot keep things to myself. I don't have to be strong for the people around me. I can allow myself to receive help from others.

Randy and I went to Mountain Terrace Estates, in Maumelle, this past Sunday and reserved the clubhouse for May 31st from 2:00 until the end of the day. We'll be there as long as anyone wants to stay and visit with us. There's a kitchen, t.v., pool table, comfortable seating, and a grill and pool outside if anyone wants to take advantage of those. There's also a park and lake nearby if you want to fish or go to the playground equipment. Mark your calendar if you want to join us that day to remember our son. We'd love to see everyone and spend the day visiting and supporting each other.

Both the McKinleys and Jess commented that Trav would choose to be outdoors. I agree. However, I did want to have the capability of being indoors if the weather was not cooperating that day. Some of us would prefer the air conditioning if the weather is as warm as it was last May 31st. That will not keep the rest of you from enjoying the amenities in the area that you know Trav would have chosen. We'll all have an opportunity to get together for supper at the clubhouse even if you're off doing other things in the area. That's the way Travis would like it. He never missed an opportunity for a meal together! More details later as we get closer to that day. I just wanted you to mark your calendar.

Testing Is Almost Behind Me

Boy, it's been a long two weeks! We got the primary tests checked into the District Test Coordinator yesterday and have one more day of testing for fifth graders. After the make-up testing and coding is complete we'll finally move on to something else. I'm way past ready. I've been battling a sinus infection and finally gave into it today and stayed in bed. I've had a shot and have begun antibiotics, but my headache will not subside. It's been hard to be at work every day at 7:00 to check out the tests and work after hours to get things reorganized for the next when I've been feeling yucky. Thankfully, we're almost finished with testing for the year, (at least the part that I'm responsible for coordinating.)

The weather lately hasn't helped our moods or the house repairs. It's been a little depressing around here. I sure wish the weather would turn nice and stay that way for a while. I'm wanting to see some sunshine. I've heard from some of our friends this week that I've not heard from in a while. It's always good to hear from all of you. We're going to a meeting Saturday night to hear an exciting presentation about the Mona-vie product that Randy and I have begun to distribute and the other business opportunities. Hopefully, we'll see some of you there. I've sent an e-mail to inform many of our friends who have not discussed this new venture with us lately. I think there will be a pretty good turn-out at the meeting for us.

At the meeting yesterday with our counselor, Bob, we discussed the possibility of having a gathering on May 31st to support each other through the day. Let me know your thoughts on this idea. I know it will be a hard day for all of us, but maybe it will make it a little more bearable if we're together enjoying each other's company. I've not made any plans yet, but I'd love to hear everyone's ideas. Get back with me when you get a chance. It will be here before we know it. We never forget you, Trav. You're with us every day in our hearts. I cannot believe that you've been gone for almost a year already. My pain still feels so fresh. Your mommy will always ache to feel you in her arms, baby. I don't see how time will ever take that aching away. However, I trust that God can and will help me to fill this emptiness with the joy of having you with me for 25 wonderful years and the promise of everlasting life with all of my loved ones, especially you.

Anniversary #28

It was a very busy day at school preparing for next week's testing. Randy came in at the end of the day to help with some of the heavy lifting. He sent me a beautiful arrangement of flowers to my office to brighten my day. We had a quiet dinner at the Villa restaurant together. I was so tired that I was ready to crash when I got home. Jeni, Necon, Lydia, and Little One sent us a gorgeous vase of bright orange flowers! Tasha and Laura Gentry sent us a sweet message to share their love. It was a very uplifting day. Today Randy is playing in a golf tournament with Darin and tonight we are being treated to dinner with Necon's family. God is good. He's given me a wonderful husband and loving friends who are continually checking on us and sharing their joy. Tommy came this week to help Randy, and I gave him Trav's collection of "ducks". Randy kept three for our new home and we gave Tommy the rest of them. He was thrilled to have them and said he could put some at the cabin where he and Travis hunted and fished together, and some at home. I'm glad he appreciated their value to Randy and to Travis. It was so good to spend time with him. We drove out to the building site so that his family could find us when we move and they emptied another load into the storage unit. We don't get to see him very often since his family lives a good distance away and are busy working. Jeremy and Meredith are so busy with family and obligations, but they always make time to help us or visit with us when we call. He, Brad, Jess, Laura G., and Laura check with us regularly. Travis, you'd be so proud of all of your friends! They're really good to us. We not only have our own life-long friends, but now we're blessed to spend more time with all of yours! It's been amazing to have such an out-pouring of love come our way! We all miss you, baby! We feel your presence when we're with your friends, but we'd love even more to have you here in the flesh! Daddy and I are doing ok, but you're in our thoughts every second of every day. We love you so much!

Where Two or Three Are Gathered

The weekend was full of cleaning out the attic and going through all of Trav's childhood keepsakes that we thought he would like to show his kids some day. It was hard to let go of many of the things we had saved. I especially liked his creative writing and drawings, but I limited myself to a few. The handprints from Vacation Bible School and Kindergarten were precious. It's like his childhood was just yesterday. I had a very emotional day on Saturday and Sunday was not much better. However, I had to get my act together for the week because we began the school-wide testing. This week we're testing the K-2 students and next week will be the 3-5 kiddos. Before we know it school will be out for the summer. I hope the house gets sold without any delays so that we'll be ready to move into the townhouse. With all of the rain we've had lately, there may be delays on both ends. We're making a lot of progress packing and moving our belongings into a storage unit. The house is looking very different these days. It seems like it's been a while since we've had company. Some of you need to decide to come see us soon. We get busy with work and chores and forget to call and invite anyone to come over. Jeremy and Tommy are coming by tomorrow to help Randy move some things and Tommy is going to take Kate home with him. Mom and Dad decided it was time that they let her go. Jeremy is going to help Randy move some things around in the house. Thursday, Beverly is coming over to do some more of her "staging" magic. I hope to hear from you guys soon and keep us in your prayers, please. Every day is still a struggle and I'm really dreading Mother's Day. I guess I better stop now. I'm just rambling. Love to everyone.

Randy's New Venture

Randy has been very dedicated to his new venture of Leadership Training. He reads constantly and listens to cds in the car. He's committed to learning all that he can and being totally involved. I've been extremely impressed by his efforts. I've never seen him read as much as he has in the last couple of months. His new product that he's trying is called Monavie. We've been drinking it twice a day to see if it actually will make us feel better. Others in his business have been claiming to have great results with their health recently. I'm counting on it to do some real transformations for me. My grief actually makes my body ache most of the time. Hopefully, I'll begin to feel well enough to participate in the team meetings with him. The people he's met seem to be very nice and helpful. I can't believe we're in the last nine weeks of school. This school year has gone by pretty quickly, actually. I've been able to be at work much more lately than I was at the beginning of the school year. It makes me feel better to contribute my time to helping the kids. Before I know it school will be out for the summer. Maybe we'll sell the house when the other one is ready so we only have to move once. That would be perfect.